Last week, Stevens Point Brewing of the eponymous town in Wisconsin, released their summer beer, Nude Beach Summer Wheat, with a label featuring nudists frolicking in the sand and surf, with beach accessories showing up in conveniently immodest places making the whole scene decidedly PG. And that might have been the end of it, were it not for the sudden and apparently unexpected support of the American Association for Nude Recreation.

From the press release: Summer Wheat Ale is Point Brewery’s Latest Seasonal Beer Summer is coming so it’s the perfect time to take the wraps off and enjoy Point Nude Beach Summer Wheat, a new hand-crafted seasonal specialty beer from the Stevens Point Brewery. Beginning May 1st, Point Nude Beach Summer Wheat, a satisfying unfiltered wheat ale, will be available in 12-ounce bottles and kegs wherever Point brands are sold. Point Nude Beach Summer Wheat is a fun, refreshing beer for hot summer afternoons and evenings, according to Joe Martino, Stevens Point Brewery Operating Partner. “It’s the perfect summer brew for summer thirsts. What can be more fun than a nude beach?” he said. “Where and how you enjoy Point Nude Beach Summer Wheat is up to you. Clothing is optional.” “Wheat beers represent one of the most popular segments of the 8-million-barrel U.S. craft beer market and have recently enjoyed double-digit sales growth in many regions, including the Midwest where Point sales are strong,” Martino said, adding that he expects wheat beer sales to keep up their brisk pace this summer, too. Brewed with Wheat and Barley With a rich golden color reminiscent of an early summer tan, Point Nude Beach Summer Wheat is brewed with “au naturel” raw white wheat, malted red wheat and highly kilned specialty barley malts, according to Point Brewmaster John Zappa. “The barley malts are very different from other malts used to brew Point beers and add a slightly sweet maltiness to the flavor,” he said. The Stevens Point Brewery In addition to the seasonal beers Point Oktoberfest, Einbock and St. Benedict’s Winter Ale, the Point brands include Point Special Lager, Point Classic Amber, Point Cascade Pale Ale, Point Belgian White and Point Horizon Wheat. Point Special Lager won the gold medal in the American Premium Lager category at the 2003 Great American Beer Festival.

According to a story in today’s Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, the new seasonal beer “quickly drew attention from the nation’s nudists, said Carolyn Hawkins, spokeswoman for the American Association for Nude Recreation, a group that claims 47,000 members who enjoy sunbathing, swimming and other activities au naturel. The Kissimmee, Fla.-based group bills itself as ‘a trusted source for nudist information on such topics as what to expect at a nudist club, a nudist resort, or even from a skinny dipping experience. Our members have bombarded us with messages’ about Nude Beach, Hawkins said.”

So she got in touch with the brewery and inquired if they would be willing to provide beer for the group’s annual convention, which this year will be held in the nearby “Turtle Lake Resort in Union City, Mich., which is south of Battle Creek, from Aug. 11-17.” Steven Point Brewing agreed to give the AANR twenty-five cases in exchange for some advertisements in the newsletter and convention program. The group’s second choice was New Belgium’s Skinny Dip, but it’s not distributed in Michigan.

The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel piece ends with:

Nude Beach will probably see a spike in sales thanks to the buzz among nudists, Hawkins predicted.

“The nudist organizations all stick together,” she said.

Martino welcomes the fans of his nude, uh, new beer.

“It’s a whole subculture that I didn’t know existed,” said Martino, whose company is probably best known for brewing Point Special Lager.

He had me going up to that point, but here’s how the brewery’s website describes the beer:

Point Nude Beach is the perfect summer pleasure. Available only during the warm months of summer, this lively and unfiltered wheat ale is well balanced using “au naturel” raw and red wheat, then delicately finished with Yakima hops. With a refreshing light flavor, Point Nude Beach is perfect while enjoying summer activities or just hanging out with friends. Clothing optional.

Introduced: 2008
Availability: May 1 - August 1
Suggested Pairings: Chicken, Pork, Summer Salads, SPF 30 and Swim Suit (optional.)

Sounds like their tongue was fully inserted in their cheek from the get-go. If they didn’t know it existed, how did they manage to depict it so well on the label? Anyway, false modestly aside it’s still pretty funny. especially that the nudists so quickly embraced it.

You can get a better look at the label on the six-pack carrier.

The beer that made Milwaukee famous is set to try and do it again. Pabst Brewing, who owns the label, re-released Schlitz today in the brown longneck bottles using what they claim is the original recipe. Having had phenomenal success with Pabst and also recently re-released Primo, Pabst is looking to recreate that success with yet another nostalgic beer.

Schlitz used to be one of the most popular beers in America, but bean-counters in charge of the brewery in the late 1960s and ’70s introduced cost-cutting measure to the ingredients and the brewing process that let to floating particles in the beer. Consumer fled the beer in droves. Late in the 1970s Schlitz try to recover, but the damage was done and consumer confidence at nearly zero. In 1982, the Stroh Brewery Company in Detroit bought the brand, and it was later acquired by Pabst, who owns it today. Pabst is the largest contract brewer in the country, with sales of it’s not popular again Pabst catapulting it to the number 4 spot, where it’s been for the past several years. Currently, it’s only available in the Chicago area, distributed by Louis Glunz Beers. But if successful, expect to see the old Schlitz longneck bottles everywhere again. From the press release: Schlitz, long known as “The beer that made Milwaukee famous” and once the best-selling beer in the United States, makes a comeback today on the 75th anniversary of its return to Chicago following Prohibition. Pabst Brewing Company in Woodridge, Ill., which now produces the iconic brand, is re-launching Schlitz “Classic 1960s Formula” based on the original recipe and packaged in traditional “Brown Glass” — a packaging innovation that Schlitz introduced in 1912 to prevent light from spoiling beer before it can be served. Chicago is third in a phased re-launch of Schlitz that included Florida and Minnesota markets late last year. The initial roll-out of six- and twelve-pack varieties, priced comparable to other premium domestic brands, will be to select Schlitz accounts with a citywide expansion slated for 2009.

Pabst Brewing Company (PBC) is partnering with Louis Glunz Beer, Inc. in Lincolnwood, Ill. to distribute the classic Schlitz formula and has a longstanding and rewarding relationship with the beer distributor, based on Schlitz and other brands within the PBC portfolio.

Founder Louis Glunz I first supplied Schlitz for the 1893 World’s Columbian Expo in Chicago and 40 years later, his eldest son and successor, Louis Glunz II, tapped the first kegs of Schlitz when they arrived by train in Chicago on April 7, 1933. On that date, the Volstead Act was modified allowing the sale of 3.2 percent beer in advance of the ratification of the 21st Amendment which repealed Prohibition. The Brewers Association reports that over 1.5 million barrels of beer was consumed nationwide in the 24-hours following what was the beginning of the end of Prohibition!

Louis Glunz Beer, Inc. has since served as a Schlitz bottler for many years and has continued to distribute Schlitz in spite of the brand’s losing its “Gusto” along the way to keep up with beer trends. General Manager, Jerry Glunz, attributes the steady decline in sales of Schlitz to a changed formula in the mid 1970s and packaging that was converted from a full package line to only cans in 1998. “We’re confident that a return to the original formula and the classic ‘Brown Glass’ longneck bottles will revitalize the Schlitz brand,” said Glunz.

Borrowing a page from their 120-year history, representatives of Louis Glunz Beer, Inc. will deliver the first coveted cases of Schlitz “Classic 1960s Formula” this afternoon from a replica of its original horse-drawn wagon. The route through Chicago’s Lakeview neighborhood includes two old Schlitz tied-houses, Schubas Tavern and Southport Lanes & Billiards, as well as Cardinal Liquors, 1000 Liquors, Chicago Brauhaus, Sheffield’s Bar, The Long Room, Simon’s Tavern, the Green Mill Cocktail Lounge, and Glunz Bavarian Haus. The product will also be available at Louis Glunz’s original shop, since renamed The House of Glunz, at Wells and Division Streets in Chicago’s Old Town.

“Louis Glunz Beer, Inc. introduced Schlitz to Chicago and we’re excited to work with them to re-launch the original formula,” said Brad Hittle, chief marketing officer of Pabst Brewing. “Their heritage with Schlitz is unsurpassed among beer distributors across the country.”

“We are delighted about the comeback of Schlitz, the brand that brought us to the dance,” said Jack Glunz, president of Louis Glunz Beer, Inc. “The ‘Classic 1960s Formula’ is just as we remember from the heydays, a perfect balance between full-flavor and easy drinking with ‘just a kiss of the hops.’ This re-launch is a tribute to my grandfather’s legacy!”

According to Kyle Wortham, senior brand manager for Schlitz, the classic taste profile of Schlitz “Classic 1960s Formula” is the result of research by Pabst Brewmaster, Bob Newman, who was named the 2006 and 2007 Brewmaster of the Year at the Great American Beer Festival. “Bob tracked down and interviewed retired Schlitz brewhouse employees and others to recreate the classic taste,” explained Wortham. Mr. Glunz, who also provided access to Schlitz marketing materials in his company’s archives, was among those interviewed.

In addition to a return to the original taste profile, dedicated to those who miss the full-bodied Schlitz as they knew it, Wortham said that the classic formula will feature heritage-inspired packaging and old-school attitude to reinforce the values that resonate with guys who remember the 1960s. A new print and outdoor advertising campaign includes imagery from that era and suggests that the intended drinker go back to a formula from a time when values mattered: “the cars were cooler, the athletes didn’t cheat, and the beer was better.” Marketing support also includes a new website, www.schlitzgusto.com, public relations, and tasting parties.

“Schlitz coined the phrase ‘Go For The Gusto,’ and we intend this campaign to reach beer drinkers where they live and remind them of some of the best times of their lives when even the beer tasted better,” said Wortham. “We’re setting the stage for a significant comeback.”

The award-winning Flosmoor Station Brewery in Flossmoor, Illinois will be introducing three of their beers, Station Master American Wheat Ale, Pullman Brown Ale, and I.P.A., in 22 oz. bottles. The
new bottles will be available beginning April 5.

From the press release:

Brewmaster Matt Van Wyk, and brewer Andrew Mason will be on hand to dole out their award winning beers. Station Master Wheat is an American Wheat Ale made with 45% wheat and a dab of honey malt for complexity and color and topped with Amarillo hops for a citrusy aroma. Pullman Brown is a rich, robust, chestnut-colored ale that uses eight malts, toasted oats, and a dollop of blackstrap molasses, for a smooth and creamy taste and texture. Pullman Brown is Flossmoor’s most award winning beer, garnering nine awards between the Great American Beer Festival and the World Beer Cup. I.P.A. is a rotating one-off that we brew to suit the season, the weather, or just our mood on that given day. We do it to enjoy the fun of brewing hoppy beers with recipes that are never the same twice, unless we want it to be!

Better known to the rest of the world as Valentine’s Day, I’m pushing for it to be called Beer & Chocolate Day instead.

I know I promised yesterday would be the last beer and chocolate posting but it’s pretty hard to ignore a story called Beer + Chocolate = Love. This article comes from Michigan and my colleague Rex Halfpenny had something to do with so I knew it was worth a look. It’s actually from the Grand Rapids Press, and it’s a nice overview of how to pair beer and chocolate. It includes a number of suggestions from a range of people, such as this pairing with the beer pictured on the left. “Jolly Pumpkin Brewery’s brown ale with its cocoa and spices is fantastic with a raspberry truffle,” said Stacey Faba, called the beer goddess by many. “I’ll say it’s one of my happiest pairings of all. The chocolate just melded into the beer. It tasted like it belonged with the beer.” And this wonderful observation: With beer and chocolate pairings, you’re getting that one plus one equals three because you’re creating a new flavor sensation, said chocolatier Charles “Smitty” Golczynski, also the executive chef at The Catering Co., who hand-crafts a chocolate truffle line at The Catering Co. Chocolates. “It’s actually easier to pair beer with chocolate than wine with chocolate,” Golczynski said. “Sometimes, the intensity of chocolate takes over wine and the acidity in wine, doesn’t balance right.”

 
And here’s a step-by-step guide to tasting beer and chocolate by Rex Halfpenny, who publishes the Michigan Beer Guide:
 

• STEP 1: Depending on the amount of running around you want to do, each pairing can be presented one at a time or the chocolates can be plated ahead of time. Arrange them like the numbers on an analog clock, with all plates arranged the same, pair the chocolate at 1 o’clock with the first beer and so on. Generally use 3 ounces of beer per pairing — aim to provide about two bottles worth of beer, 24 ounces, with no ill effect.
• STEP 2: Instruct the audience ahead of time to learn the beer and learn the chocolate, then match their flavors. Take your time, sniff, taste, enjoy the beer. Then do the same with the chocolate. Then take another bite of the chocolate, let it melt and just as it is about finished, take a small sip of the beer to blend the flavors. This is the highlight of the experience.
• STEP 3: Encourage folks to take notes. Many do not, so give them a sheet listing the beers and a couple of sentences about them, including brewery, style, alcohol level and the aroma/flavor. Note what you want them to focus on. Have a space for comments on appearance, aroma, flavor, body, finish, aftertaste. Do the same with the chocolates. If inclined, they will take notes; if not, they are given a clue of what’s going on.

Saturday’s Wisconsin State Journal had a very well done quiz on their state’s beer labels. They’ve removed the text from sixteen Wisconsin beer labels, and you have to choose which is which. I got two wrong, fourteen correct. How many can you get right? Post your results below. Enjoy.
 

 

It seems like there’s been a number of brewers taking the next bog step into packaging, and the latest one comes from Mantorville, Minnesota, a small town southeast of Minneapolis and not to far from the border of Iowa. Mantorville Brewing was founded in 1995 and, according to a story in their local Post-Bulletin, has had a difficult road to production. But now the Stagecoach Amber Ale, named for stagecoach stop that is a part of the small town’s history, has started to be delivered to local retailers throughout the area.

I’m trying to catch up a little with interesting items sent in by Bulletin readers. Last week my cable modem went down and it took a few days for the cable company to come out and replace it, so I missed a few days. It continues to amaze me how dependent I am on internet access, far more than the telephone or cable television or even my car. Despite the fact that I was born when Eisenhower was President, it’s hard to remember what it was like before the internet was such a ubiquitous feature of our modern world. I feel naked without my laptop. Anyway, this comes from Doug in Hawaii (thanks Doug) and is the Wall Street Journal article about Larry Bell’s brewery and his distributor fight in Illinois. I saw the original Journal article when it came out, but I don’t have online access to the WSJ. Happily, it was reprinted on the free site Small Biz.

Beyond Bell’s specific travails, the larger issue of franchise laws is discussed. Franchise laws are one of those things that people in the industry are familiar with but which get very little public attention. They should, because by and large franchise laws are not good for small breweries. There, of course, exceptions — good distributors who care and do a god job with smaller breweries. But in my experience I’ve heard far more horror stories about distributor mistreatment of craft brewers than the other way around.

Distributors love franchise laws, of course, because for them, in many cases, they are a legal stranglehold and something of a disincentive for distributors to actually do a good job promoting a particular brand. In some states, Nevada for example, once a brewer signs up with a distributor, no matter how bad a job they do by law they cannot switch distributors without the distributor’s consent (something which is almost never given). My understanding is that franchise laws were originally enacted to protect distributor’s from spending years building a brand in a particular market only to have the brand go to a competitor. But in most states, distributors — which despite their rhetoric are large businesses — have deep pockets to lobby politicians and get favorable legislation to protect their business at the expense of smaller, weaker microbreweries. As the Wall Street Journal touches on, that balance of power is just beginning to shift slightly, but entrenched power tends to hang on far longer than anybody ever expects, so I’m not persuaded things will change for the better anytime soon.

For regular Bulletin readers who recall How To Win Friends and Influence People from the beginning of the month, where a South Dakota A-B distributor’s “Contemporary Marketing Coordinator” responded to harsh criticism of one of their products — Rolling Rock — with a textbook example of poor customer relations, has apparently come to a resolution. I received word, not from E-Rokk (the original poster), but from one of his bandmates, Nick Fitt, that the issue had been resolved and he has written up the story of how and why at their Hey Stupid blog. It’s rambling and incoherent at times — Nick’s writing style is reminiscent of someone suffering from Tourette’s Syndrome and an obsessive preoccupation with pornographic imagery — yet pieces of an actual story do peek out from time to time. As far as I can tell, he called the distributor and spoke to Cassie Kimball’s boss, eventually having a conference call with both her boss and that person’s boss, too. Her fate remains vague, though he hints that they told him she “was now hauling skids in the mail room, suffering from many splinters of wood that had been treated with PCP,” whatever that means. In the end, the distributors apparently coughed up some free cases of beer to mollify the situation — Budweiser, not Rolling Rock — and the final paragraphs are spent slobberingly praising “Anheiser Bush” [sic] and their new favorite beer. I’m not sure why, but it all feels a little unsatisfying to me. Considering one of the original complaints was that A-B had sold out by altering E-Rokk’s beloved Rolling Rock, it sure feels like the hey stupid gang do likewise for a few measly cases of free Bud. C’est la vie.

I got a comment the other day to one of my old posts about Rolling Rock when the brouhaha was going down in Latrobe, Pennsylvania earlier this year. E-Rokk, the person who posted the comment, apparently had a run-in with an Anheuser-Busch distributor’s rep. He also has a blog with four friends called Hey Stupid, which according to their byline “is a collection of writers that are pissed off at society, culture, the world and most importantly…you.” E-Rokk is a former Pennsylvania resident who moved to the Rapid City, South Dakota area and took with him a fondness for Rolling Rock beer. He claims to be a beer connoisseur, but his list of favorite beers is not exactly bursting with esoterica. In fact, more than half of his list includes generic industrial light lagers, most of whom are made by the big three but marketed under their original regional brand names. His favorite three are Yuengling, Iron City Light and Rolling Rock, which pretty much tells you everything you need to know.

Anyway, he tried the new A-B-made version of his beloved Rolling Rock and found that it no longer tasted the way he remembered it, and so he wrote a rant on his blog that spared no one’s feelings and told A-B in no uncertain terms to go fornicate without a companion, though, of course, not in those words. A little while later, he received a response from his local A-B distributor, Eagle Sales of the Black Hills, Inc. The letter was apparently written by the distributor’s “Contemporary Marketing Coordinator,” Cassie Kimball. I can only imagine what that job description entails. Anyway, to satisfy myself that her response was legitimate, I checked out the distributor’s website and sure enough she is the last person listed at the bottom of the web page “Our People.” He reprinted her response in it’s entirety and it’s a terrific example of how not to interact with your customers, especially when E-Rokk still listed several beers as his favorites that Eagle Sales distributes.

Because technically her letter is copywrited material, I won’t publish it here, but please go read it at E-Rokk’s Hey Stupid blog, you won’t be disappointed. She basically swears back at him and further tells him his band will never receive any promotional support from A-B (which is odd since I didn’t even know he was in a band). It’s riddled with typos and grammatical nonsense, which is pretty scary especially since I would think communication skills would be fairly important for someone in marketing. I know people can make mistakes — hell, I make them all the time — but her letter seems to show only a rudimentary familiarity with the English language and how to communicate coherently. But perhaps I’m being too hard on her.

My favorite thing she says, though, is about her beer knowledge. She claims that mainstream beers are called “American premiums” — I just love this aside — “as real beer connoisseurs like to say.” That has me doubling over. American premium is essentially a made-up term used as a category by Nieslen, IRI and other businesses when discussing a particular group of goods, to distinguish them from sub-premium and other categories. It has no meaning in the real world but only as business jargon. And I don’t know many beer connoisseurs, real or otherwise, who refer to this type of beer as American Premium, not with a straight face anyway. It is a subcategory at GABF under category 26, American-Style Lager, but that’s more to allow the big companies a place to enter their products. Likewise, it’s a subcategory under BJCP guidelines for category 1, Light Lager. But you won’t find it coming up in any serious discussion of beer styles. But then again, maybe I’m not as “with it” as she is. After all, she’s the “contemporary” marketing coordinator, whereas I’m just an old curmudgeon.

I also love her revisionist history when she claims A-B bought the Rolling Rock brand “to help it stay alive.” Their own flagship brands’ sales woes had nothing to do with wanting to pick up another brand for their distributors. That’s hilarious. I feel kinda sorry for her, in a way. She just keeps putting her foot in her mouth. At least she does it with confidence, I guess. She really seems to believe what she’s saying and yet appears to have no idea about what’s really going on in the industry she’s a part of. Ah, to be young and ignorant.

The way she just attacked and swore back at her critic has to have come up in PR 101 as how not to communicate with a customer, no matter what they’ve said. It’s frankly pretty astonishing. E-Rokk responded by writing back to her, to what end I can’t fathom. It was just as bad as his original rant but it will be interesting to see if his baiting works and she writes back again to escalate things even farther.

because beer is food: in cooking, at the table, and by the glass …

So begins the website of beer cook Lucy Saunders, whose birthday is today. Lucy has done much to promote both cooking with beer and enjoying food with beer through her books and other writings. She’s a treasure, in more ways than one. Happy birthday Lucy.

Lucy with Vinnie Cilurzo at the brewers reception in Denver last year.

Apparently liquor and wine are divine, beer … not so much. That’s the apparent take of Wisconsin columnist Joe Orso who in a recent column, concludes that issues with people drinking beer in his local community are a “spiritual problem,” whatever that even means.

Admittedly, his community does appear to have had a spate of bad luck recently, as he relates.

In the past two weeks, a 19-year-old woman has died after drinking alcohol and falling off Grandad Bluff, Miss America has been to the area to speak to high school and college students about underage drinking and drunken driving, and a concert was held at Viterbo University to raise awareness about responsible drinking habits.

That’s a tragic event to be sure, but Grandad Bluff (pictured here) doesn’t look like the sort of place one should go to while drinking. I don’t want to sound cold, but not only did she show poor judgment but so did her friends. How that’s a spiritual problem or the fault of the beer I find somewhat baffling. As for Miss America, her cause celebre is children. I’m sure she’s on a tour of colleges making the same speech, she wasn’t targeting one community. The concert was a benefit for “Safe La Crosse” promoting responsible drinking behavior at the start of the new term. I’m willing to bet almost every campus has an organization like this one. So what? My point is you can find or make connections wherever you want to find them. There doesn’t appear to be anything remarkable about these three events that would cause a reasonable person to conclude that the youth of today are in spiritual crisis and beer is the bogeyman responsible for it. But our amateur spiritualist isn’t finished. In his own personal life, he once lived with an alcoholic and he recently visited a friend who’s in detox. Oh my god! Two people he’s known throughout his life have problems with alcohol! Alert the media. Oh, wait he is the media. Why not focus on the maybe hundreds of people he knows or has known who aren’t alcoholics? Why try to connect dots that simply may not be there?

He’s heard anecdotally that young people are drinking simply because “there’s nothing else to do,” claiming to hear this excuse over and over again across the country. I have a hard time understanding why both his own lack of imagination and the similar dullness of the people he’s talking to leads to a conclusion that spirituality has anything to do with this. It sounds more like his community may have a problem. But instead his thinking goes like this. “When you look at a society and see so many of us spending weekends between 15 and 22 years old getting drunk, and then saying we do it because there’s nothing else to do, this becomes a spiritual problem.” Huh? When Orso asks “[h]ow are we treating our young people to make them feel like this?” you’d think the answer would be obvious, but apparently it isn’t.

Why say things like “[s]omething seems to be going on here with beer.” The author says he enjoys beer and has a favorite — Busch (ugh) — and he “look[s] forward to drinking it around a backyard fire every Christmas when [his] brothers and neighbors return home and [they] all catch up on each other’s lives.” In other words, he enjoys it in a social setting that creates conversation and a sense of togetherness. Does he not realize that’s precisely what goes on at teenage parties, too. Kids get together, drink, talk and bond as they struggle to figure out how to become adults. Teenagers struggle with all kinds of adult and quasi-adult behaviors and fumble their way through most of them. They’re supposed to, it’s through their failures and mistakes that they learn. But with our present taboos and draconian alcohol laws they have no positive role models for responsible drinking and many kids’ first experiences with beer may indeed be negative. They don’t have to be, but adults have created an environment that all but guarantees such a result. There will always be people who can’t handle certain things, be they alcohol, drugs, food, cigarettes or what have you. With alcohol the problem is exacerbated because of a criminal lack of education and misinformation, which in many places even forbids parents from teaching their own children about alcohol in the home. Such places presuppose that the state should be the ones to teach kids about alcohol but then they do absolutely nothing by way of educating them.

Orso concludes his column by suggesting that “we might shift the message a bit from ‘Drinking can hurt you, maybe kill you’ to ‘Why are you drinking so much?’” Well, for me such simplistic nonsense is what’s making me drink so much. He’s looking for easy answers to complex questions. But if you think the path to spiritual enlightenment is not paved with beer bottles, then I suppose no amount of logic will convince you otherwise. But could we please stop blaming beer for everything that’s wrong with the world? There are undoubtedly numerous reasons for drinking by teenagers (or anyone for that matter), but I seriously doubt that chief among them is a lack of spirituality. Frankly, I’d be shocked if it made the top hundred. But let’s ask all of the Orders of Monks who have been making truly inspired beers for centuries if they believe beer has caused them to be spiritually parched.

According to lawn expert, Brad Fresenburg, beer can make your grass more green, thanks to the carbohydrates in it. Fresenburg is an extension and research associate at the University of Missouri at Columbia and he’s testing an internet lawn mix called “The Perfect Lawn Tonic” that uses five common household ingredients, one of which is beer. KSDK CBS Channel 5 in St. Louis, Missouri has asked Fresenburg to try out the tonic scientifically.

The five ingredients are beer, non-diet soda, mouthwash, household ammonia, and dish soap. “It’s really a home remedy that is simulating a lot of the bio-stimulants,” said Fresenburg. “There really isn’t anything in the ingredients that are going to be harmful to grasses.” Fresenburg believe the beer will benefit from carbohydrates in it to feed microbes that are in the soil.

When asked if the tonic will work, Fresenburg replied. “Yes and no, but it is going to do what they say it’s going to do as far as green color and maybe perhaps having a lawn look a little more green and lush,” said Fresenburg. “Especially at this time of year when grasses are struggling a little bit due to drought and perhaps turning a little bit brown … it will help with that effect.” At the end of the month, Fresenburg will be re-interviewed to gauge the results.

 
Here’s the tonic recipe:

The Perfect Lawn Tonic

1 beer (except light beer)
1 can of non-diet soda
1/2 cup mouthwash
1/2 cup household ammonia
1/2 cup dish soap (except anti-bacterial)

Mix all ingredients and pour into a 10-gallon hose end sprayer.

Spray on lawn after mowing — just enough to wet the grass.

Reapply every three weeks.